Shock and Awww

Vice President Cheney is betting against the American economy, and his investments prove it.
A tidbit:

As of the end of last year, Cheney and his wife, Lynne, held between $10
million and $25 million in Vanguard Short-Term Tax-Exempt fund (VWSTX, news, msgs)
(it's impossible to be more precise because the disclosure form lists holdings
within ranges). The fund's holdings of tax-free municipal bonds mature, on
average, in a little more than a year -- meaning that the fund should hold up
well if rates rise.
The Cheneys held another $1 million to $5 million in
Vanguard Tax-Exempt Money Market fund (VMSXX, news, msgs),
which is practically risk-free and could benefit from continued increases in
short-term interest rates. And the couple had between $2 million and $10 million
in Vanguard Inflation-Protected Securities fund (VIPSX, news, msgs).
The principal and interest payments of inflation-protected bonds rise along with
consumer prices, making them good inflation hedges.

I know most of us are used to being lied to, but come on! This man is a trickster of ultimate proportions! He's sinking our yacht in broad daylight!

So, how'd you make the yacht disappear?

Michael, a magician never reveals - I sunk it. At least I think I sunk
it. I mean, I blew it up and I don't see it anywhere!

This is almost as bad as the international bankers creating the federal reserve and engineering a panic, and making it worse to profit and buy huge corporations for pennies on the dollar. Its hard to believe that anyone would destroy the economy for their own profit. Except for some kind of ultra high level CEO Lex Luthor supervillan. Or the penguin.

Halliburton, makin money money money off iraq. That company, to which Mr. Vice prez served as CEO to for 5 years b'twixt 1995 and y2k. Halliburton had made an estimated 20 billion off the bush admin as of 2k5. God knows how much know, and during that time though Cheney said he had no financial ties to Halliburton (lie) He retained his stock options, which rose 3281%. (source) From $200,000 to 8 million. Not that it really matters to the emperor, some estimates have him worth close to 88 million dollars (per hour) jk jk. but seriously sire is bankin. cash stackin in the most ultimate of ways. He will probs just use the money he made off the war for a bigger money bed.

Chump change. Wait till he gets the collapsed economy money. I can only imagine that after all is said and done that he will be worth billions. Ultimate power!!

Original Article.

Food Prices Across the Globe are Rising

If you're seeing your grocery bill go up, you're not alone.

read more | digg story

the prodigal sinbad returns

Why is Sindbad in the news? As it turns out, his 15 minutes of fame happened to coincide with a 1996 trip to Bosnia accompanying then First Lady Hillary Clinton, and singer/songwriter Sheryl Crow on a TOP SECRET MISSION. I can only imagine that sinbad was there to train interrogators in new enhanced interrogation techniques, such as playing VHS reruns of "the Sindbad show" while serving olestra chips (see anal leakage) and listening to cheryl crow all i wanna do over and over and over and never stopping and also Hillary and Chelsea are just smiling at you. Not even talking or even blinking. Just smiling. Chips keep getting shoved into your mouth and sinbad is standing next to the old television set blaring, fighting Sheryl Crow for eardrum dominance. Leaking, Squeaking, laughing. Scary faces. Such techniques were eventually deemed too brutal, and more Orthodox and humane techniques such as sensory bombardment, stress positions, and water boarding, came back into fashion for the Iraq war.

Whats the most you ever lost at a Sinbad concert?

So yesterday Hillary Clinton is flappin' her gums about being more "experienced" or something. And shes talking about her Bosnian creep out mission. And how happy the Bosnians were to have their kind masters there to liberate their freedoms from their freedom haters. There was going to be a little ceremony dedicated to the heroes. There was no little Hillary ceremony. That is because SNIPERS ambushed their arrival. Snipers shooting right at our beloved first lady!!!! Would you believe? Shes practically John McCain. Crouched in the jungles drinking rain water collected in a little leaf. Hiding out from charlie. So brave. Little Hillary Clinton. Also brave, was little Chelsea. Along for this wild ride. It was supposed to be a ride of comedy, and crow, and crowds. And airplanes and soldier. Only the dodging of bullet fire. Ducking and covering for them. Fear of death.

Thanks to the magic of "the video tape" actual footage of this dangerous encounter EXISTS. I immediately contacted my friends at CBS to play me a tape. Their historians were able to look all the way back into the 1996 archives.

We got the tape. Cobwebbed and dusty, we gathered over the glowing idol. And gently ran our fingers across it. After minutes of lusting, we thrust the tape into the tape hole.
It contains a shocking revelation.

Lets just say Mrs. Clinton's memory is significantly LESS experienced at remembering than that of an elephant. (laughter)

Horton didn't hear shit.

Video shows the Clinton's calmly leaving the airplane, doing their little parade waive. Beaming as they are greeted to a small crowd and a little ceremony. An 8 year old girl reads a poem.

Clinton called the incident a "blip"

"I say a lot of things -- millions of words a day -- so if I misspoke, that was
just a misstatement,"

I guess a "misstatement" is the same thing as "complete fucking fabrication" when you get down to it. Really though. A blip? She would have been better off telling sinbad to quit snitchin'.
At least picked up some of those bay area super delegates, such as this fine gentleman.

Does anyone realize that she only says this shit, because of the throngs of under educated Americans, who can only digest info blurbs, and little anecdotes, to make up their minds? "yeah Hillary has more experience, shes been to Bosnia, and even was under attack by snipers!

My roommate actually tried to tell me she thought Obama wasn't "experienced enough" and we argued for well over an hour, and she just kept saying "I just don't think he has the experience" This is because she saw it as some headline, and assumed it to be absolute truth. That is until she saw some other headline, presumably touting Obama. At which point, she changed her mind 2 days later, and told me she thought Obama might well be the man for the job.

Does anyone read anymore?? Does anyone actually LISTEN anymore? We have all become so used to just reading the headline, and assuming we know, or someone else knows for us. Just trust the headlines folks, it leads to wonderful things.

The country who elected a semi retarded white collar cowboy, twice, now has the choice between someone who has yet to be tainted by this monstrous partisan insane asylum we know as the two party system, someone who actually represents the changing of the guard, a chance to break free from the same shit we've been dealing with for the last 30 years, versus a completely insane first lady, who represents no one, and nothing, except her own tired and bizarre agenda. Hillary Clinton is actually latin for FAKE SHIT. The following is from an article on super delegates, it contains quotes from US rep Tim Mahoney, a superdelegate. For those of you who dont know what a superdelegate is.. go fuck yourself.

As an uncommitted super delegate, Mahoney said he has been wooed by Clinton and
Obama for an endorsement. Clinton has been the more aggressive solicitor,
Mahoney said.

Mahoney said he has met twice with Obama. He has met more often
with Clinton. Two weeks ago, Mahoney attended a cocktail party at Clinton’s
house in Washington, D.C., he said. Mahoney told of how impressed he is by
Clinton’s commitment to helping people and her human touch. When Clinton learned that Mahoney’s daughter is interested in horses, she called the girl to encourage her interest, Mahoney said.

What kind of fake shit is that? What year is this again? This kind of shit works? I fucking hope not. Maybe Hillarys biological clock got reset to 1900 after Y2k. Well, she likes horses, my daughter likes horses. And she cares about the children. Even called one. Forget about the fact that it was probably a drunk dial. Shit who am i kidding, it was probably the first real conversation Hillary has had since she was 12. But really that is some desperate shit. Explain to daddy why its better to force people to have healthcare, instead of making it accessible to all. What exactly is this "experience, and how exactly is it better than what the good senator from Illinois has accomplished" Don't just go talk horseys with the women folk while daddy smiles and puffs a cigar.

Ill give her one thing, she has a lot in common with someone most middle Americans can relate to.

my new favorite website

From the marvelous website, sugar bush squirrel. Im sure pages upon pages could be written about the madness contained in this website... but i really dont have any words. it speaks for itself pretty loud and clear. some of the highlights :

Sugar Bush Squirrel's warning to Kim Jong-il of North Korea July 4th was loud and clear,

"Don't make me come over there!"

Sugar Bush goes on to say, "You can't trust these North Korean guys because it's obvious that they're testing a way to launch a nuclear warhead. After 6 tests today which included a T-2 long range missle, capable of reaching the USA but which failed 42 seconds in mid-air after lift off, our American government calls it 'provocation', but I call it an imminent threat to our allies, Japan and South Korea."

Sugar Bush says face-to-face on a private computer hook-up with Kim Jong-il himself, "Don't make me come over there!"

Sugarbush may be among the last true patriots left in this country.

more...



website. http://sugarbushsquirrel.com/

Do the whirlwind

I love sprite animation. Really brings me back to the good old days of the 90's. ah 90s nostalgia. never would have thought. Soon we will be sitting back talkin bout the 00's.

Some more stuff by the man who created that video, paul robertson.

tum tum double trouble.

I think ive been eating too many tums. According to wikipedia, the recomended intake of calcium for an adult such as myself, aged 19-52 is about 1000mg. T I have been consuming 8- 10 ultra strength tums a day, which contain calcium carbonate, which is 40% elemental calcium. 1000 mg ultra strength tums= 400mg calcium. This puts me somewhere in the vicinity of 300% of recommended dosage.

Unlike vitamin C excess, which is simply passed though your urine, an excess in calcum can result in some pretty heinous situations, including but not limited to : "muscle weakness and constipation, affect the conduction of electrical impulses in the heart lead to calcium stones in the urinary tract, impair kidney function, and interfere with the absorption of iron, predisposing to iron deficiency."

ALSO:

As it turns out, taking antacids (such as tums), decreases the amount of stomach acid and causes the food in your stomach to ferment and make you fart more than this man:



So essentially, i have been ruining myself. i only can only imagine the science experiments going on in that mans stomach. Based on the fact that there are three sausage mcmuffins apparently fermenting in my stomach, he and i are not that different. somewhere between a sewage treatment facility and a slaughterhouse lies the smell brewing inside me. Also there are tiny stones waiting to escape from my urethra. fucking hell.

the genius of vintage kevin johnson

the following is reposted from dorians old group blog circa 2001. please note that though it may seem like i missed a part at the end, it is actually the ending. this is only the tip of the iceberg that is the genius of vintage kevin johnson. i miss that kid.

----

Thursday, October 25, 2001

A Story: of Might and Magic
This is the tale of Kabuki and the magic forest of the Albino Tapirs. Kabuki was traveling with his feline companion Henroe to the Whimsical World of Wonder and Soup. He had with him, his trusty bag of Neverending Gardettos and a revolver. By the way, Henroe had blindsight meaning...he could fly. Suddenly they came across a giant Cantalope which also had blindsight. Kabuki shot it and they continued on their journey. Suddenly Kabuki had a heart attack.

* * *

This is the tale of how Henroe stole his dead friend's belongings and went on a Mystical journey to the land of Soup and Crackers. At this point Henroe had in his haversack, a revolver, an empty bag of Gardettos, and a plump and ripe cantalope which Henroe had drawn a face on and named Banjo. he began to comb his hair with his shoe, then swearing drunkenly, shot Banjo. Pudding went EVERYWHERE! Then "The Hustle" started playing and Henroe danced. Long story short Henroe got Cracker Poisoning and had to stay at the hospital for 4 weeks with eye sickness. Henroe got a rare blindsight morphation and his blindsight changed, but you'll have to read about that in the next story...The Tale Of

posted by Kevin at 5:51 PM

Hawaii Chair

Nothing was delivered.

Eagles rest where no man can reach. Their golden eggs sit snugly in fortress nests. No words for poachers such as the ones found in rescuers down under. Cant say i don't sympathize with such a lofty goal, but not one at such a cost. Eagles are essentially what dreams are made of. Dream killing is best left to the religious zealots. (Terrorists, Southern baptists, Scientologists, etc)

I live off of dreams. They are always better than real life. Better faster stronger creepier. Like the time James crashed his car into the security gate at the fox lot. He had a seizure while driving and crashed into a fence, or something close to that. Later his boss gave him a bill. The memory i choose to create for myself is something much more spectacular.

I imagine james, steady with bloodshot eyes, and smelling of whiskey and grass and cottage cheese, gripping the wheel tightly, while skirting and maneuvering turns and obstacles with all the skill and nonchalance of a jackie chan stunt driver tokyo drifting on a top secret steve mcqueen CIA mission. He approaches the gate and zooms in on the elite republican guard, machine gun resting on his shoulder. James floors it and busts through the gate. Tiny splinters of white and black painted wood explode in slow motion and rain back down. the guard begins firing at him from behind, shattering the back windshield. James squints his eyes and rips the steering wheel hard to the left. spinning around 180 degrees, and floors it again. this time headed straight for the booth. close up of the guards face as he realizes what is about to happen. just before the collision everything goes black.

fade in on james in the car, slumped over the steering wheel, blood smeared across his face. He is foggy and slowly surveys the chaos as sirens blare in the distant background. he is directly over the rubble of what was once the guard booth. He bangs the glovebox, like a fonz to a jukebox. It pops open and james grabs his pistol. He shoves the door open, and stumbles out. He steps out, and trips forward, his foot right having just set down on the face of the guard who is wedged between the car and the rubble. "thats the way she goes" he mutters, and stumbles on. He surveys the scene, noting a flood of troopers running towards the scene. He waivers his pistol in the direction the mass of elite military personnel rushing towards his general direction. He tries to aim, but his vision is still blurry. POP, POP, POP. He fires off some rounds into the blurry mass. Some fall, others keep running. POP, POP, POP. they are firing back, a bullet hits him in the shoulder, as he spins around hard, his giant body thudding to the ground. The soldiers crowd around him. They haven't killed him yet, the must have some questions for him. "sometimes she goes, and sometimes she doesn't." He fires off one last shot, hitting one of the guards right in the face. "cuz thats just the way she goes" The butt of a riffle smacks james face with a loud crack. Blackness.

More adventures in scary ancient advertising.

while on the subject of throwback advertising, i must mention this ad for the jolly green giant.

I'm not sure what the story is here. the above incarnation doesn't seem jolly or green. his gigantism is immediately apparent however. no words. just that joker grin and a little magic. the magic speaks louder than words ever could. this man is much scarier than the hulk and the joker combined. he seems to be casting a spell or hypnotising me. some sort of erection charmer perhaps? i am officially at half stock, but i also threw up in my mouth a little bit.

"fo fum fi fee" ??? isnt that what the giant from jack and the beanstalk says? right before he tries to kill jack after smelling the blood of an englishman. doesnt matter because we all know how that one ended.

fresh perked

According to this ad, instant Folgers tastes good as "fresh perked". Also it keeps this man from leaving his wife in favor of one of the presumably short skirted office sluts. It ends some fuck me faces, and candle being blown out, and the insinuation of some pretty serious deep dicking. percolated. there's a word that doesn't get used enough anymore.