20061231
20061230
Team Planet Earth
Ahem. Well, it looks like humanity isn't going to be sustaining itself in space as soon as we would have liked, so we are going to have to make some room on the blue planet. Lets begin by cutting out some of the greedy little critters that are selfishly squandering our breathing air and drinking water. Starting this year, extinction is immanent for:
*** one bird in eight
*** 13% of the world's flowering plants
*** a quarter of all mammals.
US researchers estimate that by 2020, less than 5% of the Amazon will remain in pristine condition.
then over the next 50 years lets cut out all the fish.
this will give us plenty of elbow room to plan for the big event; the worlds sixth mass extinction.
so far, we have had these five (weak-baby-weiner) extinctions:
Cretaceous (About 65 million years ago)
Triassic (About 208 million years ago)
Permian (About 245 million years ago)
Devonian (About 360 million years ago)
Ordovician (About 438 million years ago)
but if we play our cards right, by 2080, the list can look like this:
Cretaceous (About 65 million years ago)
Triassic (About 208 million years ago)
Permian (About 245 million years ago)
Devonian (About 360 million years ago)
Ordovician (About 438 million years ago)
Jesus Returns
And since america is winning;
We get to be the first ones hand-lifted to space. er, heaven. er, heaven-space. which is like myspace but for americans who bribed jesus by inviting the apocolypse.
20061229
Hyper Mike
"It was found on him and in his car,"
"He has been charged with DUI (driving under the influence of) drugs and possession of a controlled substance, cocaine," Sgt Larry Hall of the Buckeye Police Department told Reuters news agency.
20061225
Goodnight, Godfather
May flights of devils wing you to your rest. You will live on in our souls forever, but right now im still trippin about that Squid.
20061222
Vingt mille lieues sous les mers
For the first time ever scientists were able to capture a giant squid alive, as well as film the whole ordeal. This is especially good because the squid died almost immediately after it was captured.
"It took two people to pull it in,” Dr Kubodera said, “and they lost it once, which might have caused the injuries that killed it . . . “It struggled furiously to escape by spouting water from its funnel. This means they can actually swim pretty fast, in addition to their normal movement just drifting in deep waters,”When snack time goes bad.
Some say it died of massive stress, i might tend to agree judging from the look on its face. However, once i realized that squids eyes always look like that, ive decided that it most likely died of a broken heart. However, I especially don't give a fuck really because giant squids are literally so 4 years ago. My main over sized cuttlefish preoccupations have been directed towards the much more impressive sounding colossal squid species as of late. That having been said, i am always interested in mans struggle to subdue gargantuan beasts, as well as elusiveness and all things which fall under its black curtain. However, this is almost as bad as the time i found out Santa wasn't real, or even worse, the time i found out Arnold Schwarzenegger WAS real.
20061221
20061220
Clever Girl
Moths drink tears of sleeping birds?!
"The moth uses its barbed proboscis (close-up below) to penetrate the eyelid of sleeping birds and drink tears (Image: Roland Hilgartner / Mamisolo Raoilison)"
20061219
Ancient Map of Emeryville
Archaelogists say it may date back as early as 1983.
-Notice John Tucker in the swimsuit by the dolphins.
Puffy NO!
"The Humane Society of the United States said a $237.99 Sean John Hooded Snorkel Jacket for sale on Macy's Web site was described as having an "imitation rabbit fur collar."
It was FLUFFY RACCOON DOGS!!
http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2006-12-17T150011Z_01_N17431573_RTRUKOC_0_US-MACYS-FUR.xml&WTmodLoc=OddNewsHome_C2_oddlyEnoughNews-5
Eat Cod and Prosper
The BBC published this simple, straight-forward graph that represents sushi prices over the next 50 years.
Tall Order
Beijing, China - At an aquarium in Liaoning province an unfortunate dolphin somehow ingested several bits of toxic plastic that could potentially ruin the poor creatures afternoon. After hours of deductive reasoning and critical thinking, the resident Scientists concluded that no modern piece of medical equipment existed that was long enough to reach the mammals stomach. What could be done? Only one thing. Veterinarians hastily sought out and enlisted Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-9 herdsman from Inner Mongolia with 41.7-inch arms. Also the worlds tallest living man. He successfully removed the plastic with a dexterious reach and then stated:
"People with shorter arms could not reach the plastic."
Humanity Advances
"Brendan Brockbank, 18, won The World Pie Eating Championships at Harry's Bar in Wigan, England, on Wednesday."
-http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/12/13/pie.eating.contest.ap/index.html
No Details Necessary.
Pub Mar
Outdoor International Food Sampling Expo Today! At the Emeryville Public Market. Bring an extra tapioca straw and feast on the delicacies from strange and exotic lands such as:
Thailand
Croatia
and Zimbabwe
My heart has joined the thousand.
This country's beloved friend and father figure Joseph Barbera has stopped running today, leaving us an animated legacy after a heroic 95 years of life. His gifts to this planet will not soon be forgotten, except for the Scooby Doo movie. 
Fun Surprise!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6192373.stm
Japanese woman tries on new pair of jeans. Sharp stinging pain in knee. Touches knee. Sharp stinging pain in index finger. Removes jeans. Discovers Chinese Bark Scorpian.
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